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The Big BellEnd Group: Members Posts: 971 Joined: Jan. 2004 Posted: April 09 2004, 13:01 A man went to the doctors to see if he could help him with a marital problem it seemed he was uder achieving in the bedroom, and his wife was loosing interest.He pleaded with doctor to give him something to RAISE his spirits .The doctor finaly handed the man a tablet and said ,this tablet is powerful but only works once therefor I can only give you one a week .Tonight before you retire to bed take this tablet with water and then say one,two ,three, this will start the process ,like I said it is very powerful and you may feel that after a while you may want to end the process after all we dont want to overdo it at the first outing do we now.To end the process you mut say one,two,three,four.The man thanked the doctor and hastily walked home.That night his wife did her usual things unaware of her husbands plot and went to bed with a copy of cosmo,he followed spruced himself took a deep breath washed down the pill and said one,two,three then marched into the room he was about to leap on the bed when his wife said honey in the bathroom what did yuo say one,two three, for. -------------- I, ON THE OTHER HAND. AM A VICTIM OF YOUR CARNIVOUROUS LUNAR ACTIVITY. Back to top

Ugo Group: Members Posts: 5495 Joined: April 2000 Posted: April 09 2004, 20:53 [Completely MO-unrelated, of course. ] A farmer, looking very unhappy, says to a friend of his: "I have a problem: every now and then I feel a very strong urge to have sex with my wife.  The trouble is that when I get this urge I often am far from home, in the fields. What can I do?" His friend says: "Get a shotgun. Everytime you feel that urge, fire a shot in the air and your wife will surely rush out in the fields and have sex with you there!" One month and a half later, the farmer meets his friends again. He still looks very unhappy. His friend asks what the matter is, and the farmer replies: "For one month, everything went fine. But then..." "Then what?" "... then the hunting season began again."       -------------- Ugo C. - a devoted Amarokian Back to top

Ugo Group: Members Posts: 5495 Joined: April 2000 Posted: April 09 2004, 21:04 And still better - maybe... NASA invents a system to make parachutes open vocally, and goes to test it in a little town full of uncouth farmers. They recruit ten farmers, give a parachute each and make them jump off a plane. The first one jumps off, screams 'Open!" and his parachute opens up. The second one does likewise. The third, a man who stutters, jumps off, saying 'Woh-oh-oh-open!", and he lands safely. Two more farmers are watching the launch from the ground. One of them says: "Looks like a great invention, don't it?" "Yeah, sure is", says the other. "Look at that one, how he's coming down fast... Fred the Mute!!" -------------- Ugo C. - a devoted Amarokian Back to top

torbenyj Group: Members Posts: 377 Joined: Jan. 2003 Posted: April 10 2004, 06:43 ji this is a danish joke, but i'll try to make it in to english And man and his goes to the doctor. The vife says the her man doesn't want sex. The doctor asked the vife to lay down on the "doctorbed" and he gives her sex like never before. The says to the man, that how she must have it 2 times a week. The man replies - ok, but do I have to present everytime Back to top

The Big BellEnd Group: Members Posts: 971 Joined: Jan. 2004 Posted: April 10 2004, 12:10 Picture the scene, it's General Custer at the battle of Little Big Horn, it's his last stand. Custer stands alone with just his 2 revolvers and a silver hip-flask (full of bourbon), all his men around him lie dead and he is completely surrounded by Indians. As the Indians drew back their bowes, Custer reached for his lucky hip-flask to take one final swig, but when he wiped the dust off, a Genie popped out and said, "I can see that you are in a situation here, so i will grant you 1 wish to help you in this battle. Bearing in mind that whatever you ask for, I have to give 2 to each individual Indian, for example, you ask for another gun and they will get 2 guns each, you ask for a cannon and they will get 2 each etc. etc.". The Genie then says to Custer "Have you made your mind up?", Custer says "Yeah, I have, Give me a glass eye!" -------------- I, ON THE OTHER HAND. AM A VICTIM OF YOUR CARNIVOUROUS LUNAR ACTIVITY. Back to top

Inkanta Group: Admins Posts: 1453 Joined: Feb. 2000 Posted: April 10 2004, 21:43 The Lakotas wouldn't have needed the gift of sight to find Custer.   "Hey, did you know what brand of shirts ol' Custer wore?" ARROW (from: www.nativecircle.com) -------------- "No such thing as destiny; only choices exist." From:  Moongarden's "Solaris." Back to top

The Big BellEnd Group: Members Posts: 971 Joined: Jan. 2004 Posted: April 11 2004, 11:52 nice one Inkanta I like it.I also hope my joke did not offend you. -------------- I, ON THE OTHER HAND. AM A VICTIM OF YOUR CARNIVOUROUS LUNAR ACTIVITY. Back to top

The Big BellEnd Group: Members Posts: 971 Joined: Jan. 2004 Posted: April 11 2004, 12:19 anyway back to parachutes what about eccentric who invented a brand new type it was fool proof with no need for pull or safety cords.Thing is it only opened on impact. -------------- I, ON THE OTHER HAND. AM A VICTIM OF YOUR CARNIVOUROUS LUNAR ACTIVITY. Back to top

raven4x4x Group: Members Posts: 1535 Joined: Jan. 2002 Posted: May 18 2004, 06:38 A man walked into a barber's shop He said "I want you to cut my hair just like Michael Jackson" Well, he fell asleep in the barber's chair When he woke up he was completely bald He said "BARBER! Michael Jackson doesn't look like this!" The Barber said "well, he would if he came here" I got that one from a Lenny Henry thing on one of the Secret Policeman's Ball DVDSs. I'm sure I have more bad jokes to tell you if only I could remember any. -------------- Thank-you for helping us help you help us all. Back to top

The Big BellEnd Group: Members Posts: 971 Joined: Jan. 2004 Posted: May 18 2004, 13:09 Mike Oldfield was sat in his local pub having a pint and a roll-up.He was there for about half an hour when the inn-keeper asked our hero to leave the watering hole ,[why do I have to leave said mike]the inn-keeper replied 'because happy hour is about to start.[/U] -------------- I, ON THE OTHER HAND. AM A VICTIM OF YOUR CARNIVOUROUS LUNAR ACTIVITY. Back to top

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