Scatterplot
Group: Members
Posts: 1981
Joined: Dec. 2007 |
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Posted: July 21 2009, 13:31 |
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Well, I suppose I have not shared a "tubular moment" in a long time. The "mother" thing. I wrote about a year ago of playing her lots of MO that last night before she died. Among other artists. But MO was very dominant that night.
My mom had a history of trying to kill herself with pills(barbituates). The first I knew of it, I was 10 or 11(1970-71). Dad had left for the flight/AF rounds around 5AM. I got up about 6AM. It was my habit to run in her room and kiss her on the cheek before going to watch cartoons. This time she was unresponsive, and breathing heavily and slowly. Her sweat gave off the odor of a drug(at that time it was called meprobamate-don't look for it in 2009). So I ran to the TV and watched my cartoons, yet I felt uneasy. Something was wrong, amiss. My Brother and sister(both older than me-in their late teens) were asleep. I woke them. After telling them what I saw, they ran to her room, called for an ambulance and began what was the observed proceedure for CPR at the time(primative I'm sure). Mom was taken off, survived but placed in a psyche ward for some time. We visited her and as the Doors were huge at the time, I'd go home and listen to lyrics like "I'd to play a little game, I mean the game called go insane". For a kid, they were just lyrics, but I think they had some subliminal meaning to me. Skip to 1980. She did it again. Where she got the pills(meprobamate-impossible to procure by this time) was a mystery. Had to have been hidden in a decade-old stash somewhere. I was at a university 20 miles away from my parents, living with 4 roomates off-campus. I just happened to be driving to where my parents lived to do "something", and as I drove up to their house I saw mom on a gurney being wheeled to an ambulance. My car was still moving when I jumped out, but I'd pulled the parking brake, "What the hell are you doing" I said to the emergency techs. My dad took me aside, "She did it again Jim". I learned she had done it once before the 1971 incident. Hence why my bro and sis knew to react that day. Must have been the mid-60's. What a great way to focus on my college studies, yes? And she was locked on a floor of the same building I did my "clinical studies" in. Joy. I did not graduate. I changed my major several times. Skip to 1989.
As in my year or more old story in another thread, mom and dad were both in a huge medical center in San Antonio. Dad had no future with a malgnant in-operable brain tumor, his fate was sealed, never to leave. He died there. Yet at the time both were alive, my brother was present(a rare occurance). He, myself and mom were conversing outside on the "grounds", she in a wheelchair. She burst into tears and screamed how much remorse she felt at having put us all through that, several times over a 20 year period. I just went numb. I heard every word but flashed-back to 1970 and Jim Morrison's insanity, the cartoons and the looney bin, etc. Her intent was to "make right" what she had done. I was just....numb.....paralyzed at that moment.
The rest I put in another thread long ago, in these archives.
I just guess MO had a similar young life....My tubular moment for today, probably the last. I think my Mike Oldfield tie-in has to do with similar backgrounds. Anxiety, his music is full of anxiety, dead-ends, no win scenarios. It sure has been a godsend for me. Good night, morning, depending on where you tubularians are located.
Jim
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We raise our voices in the night
Crying to heaven
And will our voices be heard
Or will they break Like the wind
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you don't come across as a nut at all - just normal really [and 'real']. Incidently, having followed your postings for some time, I can't help but notice that you always talk warmly and respectfully about your wife still (or x wife), and I'm kind of curious to know if there's any chance you could get back together again, (- if I'm not talking out of turn).